dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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