don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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