New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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