did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
