apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
