so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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