idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
