Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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