This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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