i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
