Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
