So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
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True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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