A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
