I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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