He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
