Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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