Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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