do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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