I want to have your abortion
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
