saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
