I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
