I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
