Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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