Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.