I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
