Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  Hey it's Austin.

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am not drunk enough for this conversation.

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  (210): Hey it's Austin. (254): I am not drunk enough for this conversation. http://tfl.nu/124v
  Replies (29) Good night (1077) Bad night (2046)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.

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  (214): I wish you were here to vomit in your hand. http://tfl.nu/my7z
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (1896)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Could a canary swim?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Last time I ever let you pet sit.

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  (651): Could a canary swim? (952): Last time I ever let you pet sit. http://tfl.nu/tcs0
  Replies (10) Good night (687) Bad night (3203)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??

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  (805): why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego?? http://tfl.nu/9r13
  Replies (57) Good night (588) Bad night (3066)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you

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  (209): i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you http://tfl.nu/qjob
  Replies (4) Good night (1039) Bad night (3679)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?

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  (405): i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk? http://tfl.nu/idqr
  Replies (25) Good night (5448) Bad night (1540)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.

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  (951): Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper. http://tfl.nu/tu64
  Replies (14) Good night (4717) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.

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  (516): Never again will we have slut saturday. Never. http://tfl.nu/croh
  Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (1600)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.

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  (815): i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head. http://tfl.nu/g1i4
  Replies (5) Good night (1957) Bad night (1631)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

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  (432): I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line. http://tfl.nu/q8nl
  Replies (20) Good night (4524) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.

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  (314): Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them. http://tfl.nu/ibul
  Replies (5) Good night (3399) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.

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  (706): He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/6yo0
  Replies (4) Good night (696) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.

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  (302): This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy. http://tfl.nu/3zpx
  Replies (2) Good night (838) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"

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  (312): Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?" http://tfl.nu/y5jf
  Replies (1) Good night (354) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.

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  (303): I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/angx
  Replies (1) Good night (759) Bad night (250)

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