I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.