marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special