well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
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He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".