4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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