I'd wear matching sweaters with you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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