Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
