she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
