you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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