Welp...herpes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
