it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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