that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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