Cold hands, warm shart.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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