You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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