There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
