seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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