ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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