Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need a burrito and a hug.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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