So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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