I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
