Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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