so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
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