ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
