I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
tell me about the eggs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
