my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize