i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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