I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
