"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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