i was born a porn star she said
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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