youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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