So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I need water and some morals
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
