8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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