My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
