my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
