so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
