We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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