We're like a lot better than the average bears
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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