can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
