Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
