it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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