People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
