you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
