I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
too bad you live with your parents still
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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