Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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