Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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